A Mother’s Inspiring Journey Amidst Identical Twin Challenges

Embracing Individuality: Lessons from Identical Twins

When our twins were at 36 weeks, they experienced Twin-to-Twin Transfusion. Essentially, our twin B, Helen, took most of the nutrients from twin A, Lennon. They were almost two pounds different in weight, and one was much paler while the other was more red. I asked the doctor, “Are you sure they’re identical twins? They look nothing alike. I think you guys misdiagnosed them!”

Even though Helen took all of the nutrients, she was actually the sicker twin. She needed more attention than her sister did. But it’s almost like Lennon knew her sister was going to be cooped up in the NICU for a few weeks, so she decided to do what she had to do to stay. She was totally ‘fine’ at first. But by the end of that first day, she could no longer keep her temperature stable, nor could she keep up with eating.

So, she booked herself a stay in the NICU for the exact same amount of time her sister did. They came home on the same day. It’s sort of crazy how that worked out, considering Helen had many more issues than her sister and on paper should have stayed longer.

Over the next few weeks, I would scroll through social media, admiring all of the babies my friends were having. When these babies would start doing things my babies couldn’t do yet, I had to keep reminding myself that mine were premature and just needed a little extra time. It was hard not to compare them, as these posts were flooding my news feed day in and day out.

I started to feel like maybe something was wrong with my babies, even though I already had two other children! I had been through this before. I knew everyone has their own timeline. Yet, there I was, worrying my little twins were going to be behind.

Then something really funny happened in our own home. Helen rolled over. She rolled over four times in one day. It was surprising to me, since she was the underdog in this whole thing, being sicker than her sister. I had this notion in my head that, if anything, Lennon would do things a day or so before her sister.

But Lennon didn’t have a single interest in rolling over. In fact, it took her TWO weeks to roll over. The whole time I was shocked. They were identical twins! Sure, they were very different… but still, they’re identical! They’re supposed to do everything together.

Then Helen laughed. Again, it took Lennon two weeks to do it too. We started feeding them solids, and it took Lennon two weeks to catch up. Helen crawled, and Lennon took her two-week interval to join her sister’s tricks. It was like clockwork! Helen would do something, and Lennon would sit back like, “I’ll get to it later.”

So now, instead of comparing my twins to other babies, I was comparing them to each other. I was comparing my babies with the same DNA sequence to each other. How could one be so different than the other? How could one do anything earlier than her sister? The science didn’t make sense to me! They’re the same! Literally down to the order of their nucleic acids. Surely their genetic code had the same markings for physical development. Yet here we were, watching them develop at different times. It was mind-blowing to me, as their mom.

I learned a big lesson in identical twins through this: same DNA, different souls.

Their souls are different. They each have their own timeline. They each have their own likes and dislikes. They are their own person, despite looking alike and scientifically being the same. But the spirit powering their bodies is as unique and as original as you and I. Just because they are cut from the exact same cloth doesn’t mean the little machine inside their brains is the same. It took having them to teach me people are all genuinely different. It really isn’t just a saying. It’s the absolute truth we all sincerely need to remember.

Today, Helen can write her name. She’s been able to write the letters of her name for about a year. Lennon? That girl has zero interest in writing her name or learning how to spell it. She’d rather be out on the soccer field, outscoring all of the boys.

Helen is empathetic, sweet, and gentle. She could sit down and color, do puzzles, and read books all day long. She lives for structure and being given little tasks. She loves helping to clean or do dishes. She wants to be of service to everyone she can. She plays by the rules and doesn’t stray from what she’s ‘supposed to be doing.’ Her little inner radar starts beeping when anyone isn’t following the rules. Her feelings get hurt when people are mean or don’t want to play with her. She’s very sensitive and conscious of those around her.

It makes you think of nature vs. nurture. How much of our children’s personality is just based on who they are, down to their true, authentic self? How much of it is based on their environment? I can tell you one thing: from my experience, it seems our babies come here with a lot of their character already tied into them.

Every child has their own personality. Every child is powered by an extraordinary soul. Every child has their own journey to walk. Every child has their own wants and needs. Every child has something to offer this world, and it can’t be the same as the one standing next to them. Every child is different. Every child is perfect.

So, the next time you find yourself comparing your child to someone else’s, just remember even my identical twins are very different.

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